Here I am...

As I sit here tonight trying to write my entrance essay for the uummmm-teenth I find myself going back to the age old question of is this really the right path for me.  I know deep down that nothing compares to the way I feel and am energized when doing ministry for the good of God’s people.  After all that has happened in the past couple of months and I am reminded of how lucky I am to have such amazing family and friends.  I find myself debating in my head whether or not this is the next step I want to take in my life.  It is taking everything in me right now to trust in God’s will for me and to take this next step in my life and finish preparing to go to seminary and ultimately to do God’s work through my hands.  It’s with these doubts that make me question where is this coming from, and as I sit and think about this I keep coming back to the fear of it all.  The fear of moving so far away from all my family and most of my friends, of having to do this on my own without someone by my side, of untouched opportunities left behind, of missing out on big milestones in the lives of loved ones, and other smaller fears that are really more excuses to help feed the bigger fears of possible regret and loneliness.  As most do I tend to get myself worked up with all the fears and lose sight in the joy, happiness, and comfort that this new path will and has brought me. (Not saying that it will always be a ray of sunshine.)  It is with this sense of joy, happiness, comfort and a full heart that my experiences in ministry and life has given me that I pray to God that he calms my fears and leads me down the right path where ever that may lead me, and as I finish my prayers tonight I am singing Here I am Lord...  This song just seems to be the most appropriate today and is the one that keeps popping into my head as I sit and think.  

This, that, and mesh mash!

There is no one word to sum up the past few weeks of insanity in this crazy thing called life.  Before I go on one of my rants I want to let everyone know that Chris got to go home and is doing well, and Marjorie is still undergoing test and therapy, they still don’t know what is wrong with her, however they have ruled out a lot of things, she is going downhill fast and it pains us to see her this way.  On behalf of my family I would like to thank everyone for all of the prayers and support we have received.  As for the past few weeks, the first round of exams have come and passed now, driving me and my classmates to a whole new level of crazed studying and insanity, which of course included many fast food meals and exercise to help with the stress of it all, and followed by laughter and much needed sleep to get through that week of exams we all dreaded.  I have started my research project and found myself asking “what did I get myself into here?” as I am researching a topic that is still a fairly new concept and everything that I can find published on it is at the latest written in 2008.  I guess that is going to be the challenge of this project, but I can’t complain if that’s the only issue I have with this project.  As for writing my entrance essay I still have a major case of the writer’s block, I know what I want to say I just can’t seem to get it out onto paper in the way I want to say it.  I need to come up with something here quickly I have now given myself two deadlines and have past them both up.  I have about five great first paragraphs and then nothing; I guess that’s the humor in it all.   I know it will come to me soon I just keep praying that its sooner than later.  I have been surprised with all the new and old friendships that have come into my life and am supper excited to continue to form and build these relationships.  I don’t know what I would do with my friends some days and I thank God for continuing to bless me with my friends new and old. I am going to leave with bible verse that I was so graciously reminded of the past few days, reminding me how I believe life should really be lived.  "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." -1Thesolonians 5:16-18 (Some of you know what I mean by this verse other will soon learn and figure out what it means for their life.)  Thanks for reading and blessings from my heart to yours.  

Update!!

I wanted to give a quick little update! Chris's surgery yesterday went really well and he was already moved out of the ICU unit by early yesterday afternoon.  He is still under close supervision and they said that they we're going to get him up on crunches really soon maybe even as early as today.  I would like to thank everyone for all there support and payers over this past week! My family is very grateful for all the love and support we have received and we feel very lucky and blessed to have the community of friends and family we have.




Just got back from the hospital and Chris is doing well!  They got him up and on crunches today and he is no longer on the morphine pump, they are now giving him shots every 4hrs to help with the pain.  ---8:57pm


Marjorie will be going for a sleep study on Monday in Houston.  ---8:57pm

Thoughts to marinate and chew on!

So as I sit here tonight with my lonely thoughts and contemplating the many things in my life that seem to be going down hill I can't help but wonder what God is doing in my life at this moment.  Many of you probably don't know but my cousin Chris was in a bad work accident while working on a water main which blew and was transported from Corpus Christi, TX to San Antonio, TX last Friday night with multiple life threating injuries.  Now my family may not always be the closest but we do still love each other and this is something that I feel has effected the whole family.  Chris had emergency surgery as soon as he arrived in San Antonio to repair his bladder, a bolt that went into his elbow, dislocated shoulder and they took a closer look at his fractured collarbone.  After being in the hospital for almost a week they are now going in tomorrow morning to fix his broken tail-bone, pelvic bone that is broken in two places and to remove debris from his knee. After the surgery they will be placing him back in ICU for a few days until swelling goes down and to monitor him closely. The doctors give us great hope that with lots of physical therapy that he will be able to walk again and go back to doing normal activities.  This past week I have seen my family finally come back together again in a way that I haven't seen in years.  My home is yours and let me know what needs to be done or if you need someone to lean on I will be your rock kind of family.  Watching all this take place this week make me sad to leave my family to move thousands of miles away but I know if I need them they will come.  On top of everything that has happened with my cousin Chris this week we have also gotten news that my aunt Marjorie who has always been full of life and energy is not getting enough blood to her brain.  Which is what has been causing her lack of attention to detail, troubles moving around, speech problems over the past few months.  Over the last six months I have watched my aunt go from the carefree, attention to every detail, help everyone, loving spirit go to this lady that I can't recognize slow moving, trouble walking, talking, and paying attention to anything.  After months of doctor visits they have finally found a blockage in her brain which is not allowing blood and oxygen to properly get to where it needs to be, this has caused all of her issues.  They say that they can put a stent in to help with the blockage however they have to do a sleep study first in order to find out why her blood pressure is all over the place when she lays down.  So now they are trying to quickly do a sleep study before her conditions worsen because once the damage is done chances are they will not be able to reverse it.  Needless to say my family is going through some rough times but we must stay positive and thank our lucky stars.  Things could be much worse than what they are! Chris could have died if that water main cap would have hit him in the head or chest and they finally found what is going on with Marjorie before things progressed any worse.  I feel truly luck to have the insanely crazy family that I do and am going to miss them dearly when I move, however I know that they will just be a phone call away.  As for the rest of my thoughts, the mess that is school I will have to deal with in the morning, the fact I have to deal with my car in the morning, and then there's the deeper things like I wonder whats going to happen as I leave my friends, I wonder how I am going to be able to do this on my own without someone standing by my side, and those are all things that I will just have to see as things come and try not to worry to much about.  I will make new friends and can't wait to meet all the new people that will become my new family away from home, and as for not having someone standing next to me I try to remind myself that God is always with me and to enjoy the single and free time in my life.  This is suppose to be the time of my life to live, do stupid shit, and travel the world and explore. Sorry I know most of this was about my family and what we are going through right now and not so much how things are going with me but if you know me you know my crazy family is a big part of me.  Well I think that's enough for tonight, more to come soon.  

It's time for a new chapter!!!

As many of my friends and family know I have been discerning my call to ministry.  Through this experience it has lead me to some soul searching of my own, shown me who my true friends are, given me a taste of my own medicine, shown me my potential, and helped me to learn what's best for me isn't always the easiest or most continent not only for me but for those close to me as well. As  I continue this in this process and journey I look forward to learning more about myself, others and the world.  It is time in my life to follow my will and use my many gifts and blessings for the good of the people.  I am currently working on writing my entrance essay to get into the candidacy program through the ELCA, and turning in my applications to the three seminaries I have visited over the past couple of years.  I know that I have a long road ahead of me of discovery of not only myself but many other things in life as well, hard-work, and dedication, but I say bring it on. As I prepare to move thousands of miles away from my friends and family by the end of the next year to start this new chapter in my life I pray to God for his help, guidance and mercy.  I will do my best to post as I continue on this journey and start this new chapter in my life.